Let’s talk about sex, baby!

A late night gossip session with my best friend is always filled with countless segues. We cannot recount how, but a few nights ago we ended up at the topic of our first orgasms. This lead to me laughing maniacally in the middle of the night and my mother had to come into my room to tell me to shut up. Did I shut up? No.

What I did, however, was asking over a dozen people my age (19 to 21 years old) about their first orgasm. The following is an unfairly short recollection of the very long, very interesting, and very informative discussions that followed the question.

Male: “I cannot recall how old I was. I came too early- but in the sense of age, not minutes!”

I was not sure how I was going to ask anyone this question, but the first time was the only time I felt nervous asking. We started talking about rough sex and before we knew it we were onto the topic of fantasies, particularly male fantasies.

Foot fetish, we agreed, we do not understand; but I also learnt about Macrophilia, the attraction towards large, or more specifically, giant women. He suggested that this fantasy may stem from the larger paraphilia of Vorarephilia which involves eating or devouring a partner during sex, or the desire to be eaten, this can range from pleasant biting to cannibalism.

I am assuming these fantasies are primarily heterosexual since my friend is heterosexual, but I cannot know for sure and I can only learn better if someone helps.

It felt like we had talked about more than we could remember, it was only fair that we eventually moved onto talking about alcohol and drugs, and our experiences with them.

*

Female: “It was just last year, I was 19 years old. I had never been able to do it effectively with just my fingers, I had to use a vibrator. I used to wonder if I had even had an orgasm, but after I had one I knew what the difference was.”

The next person to answer my question was a friend who is loved for being outspoken. At this point in our question-asking session we were becoming a group as it happens with sisterhoods, and answering my question about an orgasm became a discussion about our sex lives.

Female: “I have never had an orgasm. I mean I have obviously tried, but I seem to be grossed out by my fingers. I have only ever kissed a girl, I enjoyed it; I think I can get somewhere when I get around to having sex maybe.”

At this point, all of us just had to suggest tricks which had worked for us. We were talking about vibrators, where to get them (apparently they are everywhere, from Palika Bazaar to Amazon!), and how effective watching porn even is.

Female: “It was when I was 19; I was on a trip and when my boyfriend called we ended up having phone sex. It was phone sex, but I did by myself, you know.”

“We aren’t together anymore but I did fake it a couple of times with him.”

This called for a collective scream of “WHY????” and “NOOOO,” and we were frantically crying out how women should never ever fake it because male partners should know how miserable they are at pleasing women. We also cried about the dynamics of shaving the nether region. Some were in favour of it, I was definitely not.

*

Male: “I was seven or eight years old. I was sitting in the living room, my parents were in the house. There was a Jagannath Yatra on the TV and before I knew it I was coming. I had orgasmed before that I think, but this was different because I actually ejaculated.”

After the initial surprise of learning about pre-pubescent orgasms, we continued.

Female: “I was about nine or ten. I do remember knowing what had just happened to me, that this was the peak of sexual pleasure. Small towns have a lot of this, and lesbianism is not covered and shut so tightly, I have seen many women hit on each other openly while growing up.”

This one is close to me, so I told her she can touch my boobs if she wants. She did. It was not much for us since we are both sadly straight, but we definitely bonded.

Female: “I was in class 8, and I watched porn with my cousins. I didn’t do anything at that time but I did touch myself afterwards. I commonly use a vibrator now, it is so effective!”

We were all proud to know someone uses a vibrator with expertise and that we can consult her if we need any help!

*

Male: “I was 14. It is a stress buster… yes, that’s it.”

This shy friend could only say so much. We still appreciate him.

Male: “I don’t remember my first time. I sense some guilt as far as masturbation is concerned. Not sex; sex is great. Masturbation makes me feel guilty, almost as if I do not know why I started doing it.”

What we initially understood as shyness eventually turned out to be guilt that was preventing him from talking about it. Him sharing this with us helped us understand something which we didn’t know and didn’t usually think of.

Male: “Boys talk about it from an early age, they start discussing their experience as soon as they hit puberty. I was 10 years old when I had my first orgasm. It was so overwhelming, I have never experienced something like it in my life. What disappointed me was how quickly it ended.”

Boys talk about it from an early age, but women often do not start talking about until they are well into their teens. Boys have involuntary ejaculations so maybe they cannot avoid talking about it, but women are not informed about it for a while. I personally did not know women can even orgasm until it happened to me by accident at an embarrassingly old age.

Male: “I abstain. My first orgasm was good, but nothing that great. If you think about it, masturbation is all about instant gratification and I can’t help but think about it that way. It makes you want to be gratified immediately without working for it at all, and it pervades into all aspects of your life very quickly. And what is so special about it anyway? It takes you to a high and then the downfall is so sudden and quick.”

Sounds like a really solid theory and I am sold, but that amount of self-control is really not my cup of tea. Those around me agreed, no wonder this self-control is spiritual.

Female: “I had my first orgasm in 10th grade; I have been doing it ever since.”

Girl, same. I can’t stop either. Doing it 24x7 ever since the first time.

Thanks to my wonderful folks at Ramjas English Department who contributed to this! May your next orgasm come to you very soon!